Collage with a Counselor (Getting Dressed, Part III)
Using one of my favorite counseling tools to play with style
This is not another newsletter about CBK1. It is, however, a sort of mid-term project, assigned to me by me. My baby is nine months old and, true to form, I am at the point in my postpartum experience where I become convinced it would be best to throw everything away and start from scratch. I’m still trying to figure out how to get dressed for the life I actually have. I work in a school, I have little kids, I live in the woods. I’m 5’1” and often need to play the game of asking, “Would I like this on me, or is she just tall and thin?” I like things, but I have a lot of guilt around spending money. And that’s not something I’m done unpacking, having grown up in a pretty frugal and practical house.
In my last two posts in this series2, I wrote about my daughter’s approach to style and how I was starting to use Pinterest to shop my own closet. I’ve spent the last few months (mostly) tracking what I wear, (mostly) not shopping3, and saving and studying images that I’ve been drawn to. I’ve written before about how collaging is one of my favorite activities as a counselor, and I’ve borrowed from that process here.
Finding inspiration: I spend a lot of time on Substack and Pinterest. One of the greatest things I’ve learned is how important it is to notice and appreciate what isn’t for me. I have a lot of moments where I see an outfit and think, “That’s not for me, but it’s great for her.” Noticing what’s not for me has helped me to notice what is. I finally landed on my three (practical, aspirational, emotional) style words4 — classic, understated, feminine5. I also realized that I operate within two modes — refined (think: important meetings, date nights, special occasions) and relaxed (most weekends, many work days). When I’m saving images, I’m focused less on if I can recreate an outfit head to toe and more on if they capture the vibe of my words and modes.
Categories first, then formulas. Once I started sorting through all my screenshots and saved pins, I got overwhelmed6 and realized that I needed categories. I am tired of panicking that I don’t have anything to wear every time I have an event or something, which is a thing I do too often. I usually end up buying something I don’t love and then never want to wear again. Thinking about my real life and what I’m getting dressed for helps me think about themes and formulas I might want to turn to when I feel like I’m not sure what to wear. I grouped images based on what I’ll be doing and how I want to feel — usually some combination of comfortable, polished, a little bit cool.
There’s a sweet spot in the tension. In looking at all the inspiration I pinned, along with my favorite outfits, I realized there’s always a good juxtaposition. Structure + softness is my goal. I’m an AI hater for the most part, but I asked ChatGPT how it would describe the style in one of my collages and it gave me this: Modern European Minimalist with a Romantic Edge. Is it nonsense? Maybe, but I think I still like it.
Inspiration can reveal the gaps. When people write about filling the gaps in their wardrobe, I’ve always felt a bit mystified. How do you know what you’re missing, what to prioritize? I started paying attention to things I love, and noticing what I’m drawn to repeatedly7. I also started looking for patterns and themes in what I pinned. Some things I already have — black and navy sweaters, button downs, trousers, a trench I really love. A few things I realized I wish I had — a gray sweater, a maxi slip skirt, black (non Mary Jane) ballet flats.
A wishlist is a good parking lot. This is the year I finally kick my impulse shopping habit. I am too quick to buy new clothes. I have also spent the last five years refusing to buy a new paper towel holder because I haven’t found the right one yet. I’m taking my paper towel energy into 2026 and committing to waiting at least a week before buying something new. It needs to live on the list for a bit first. I’m sharing my full wishlist next week.
A few odds and ends
Marina Mofford wrote about raising a baby without a village nearby, and it hit so hard for me this week. My son has only attended 14 out of 25 days of daycare in the last five weeks. It’s so hard in the beginning when they’re building up that immunity, and I’ve been feeling a little jealous of anyone who has sick day (AKA grandparents) help because we are burning through PTO over here.
I loved this conversation between Katelyn Cnossen and Jennifer Cook about choosing to have one child. Deciding to have a second baby was something I wrestled with for years, and I wish there wasn’t so much pressure on families.
Things I watched while pumping: I don’t allow myself to spend a lot of time on TikTok, but Hannah Aaron Brown is my favorite follow. I love her Hot Girl Anthropology series, and especially her deep dive into Tone It Up lore, which made me giggle.
I’ve been committed to meditating for five minutes every morning. Five minutes feels like nothing and everything. I love the Insight Timer app (I use the free version).
Laughing so I don’t cry: I met with a new doctor for the first time this week and had the baby with me for my telehealth appointment because he was home sick. During the assessment, she asked if I feel overwhelmed or overstimulated. My son proceeded to immediately throw up on me, on camera. YES I FEEL OVERWHELMED AND OVERSTIMULATED, SORRY I NEED TO GO GRAB THE BEACH TOWEL OVER THERE.
Let’s chat.
Sometimes I get to the end of a post about getting dressed and feel a little sheepish, especially when there’s a literal war happening. I hear that Jemima Kirke quote in my head, “I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.” But playing with style has has been a little glimmer for me, especially this week.
Let me know —
✨ What are your three style words? (And did it take you years to find them, like me?)
✨ What’s keeping you grounded in the messiest days?
✨ Where are you finding inspiration lately?
A note — my post may include some affiliate links, meaning that links may generate revenue at no cost to you. I only suggest things I am genuinely excited about, and I appreciate your support.
Some other thoughts
But I will read all of the discourse and I’m endlessly entertained by Love Story.
Can you call it a series if you take four months to write the third post?
I can’t resist the siren song of Gap — I bought these jeans and these pants (a Meighan Grady recommendation).
All hail Queen Allison Bornstein!
This was my hardest one to nail down, but I think it’s a specific fit.
Lol at me being overwhelmed by a project I assigned to myself
This is where you can be like, “Duh, Tricia.”
I *just* got back on Pinterest this weekend after reading Ariane’s post last week. This is a great way to funnel my energy in that space.
Beautiful 💛
I totallllyyyyy relate to that feeling 9-months postpartum. This was fantastic!