The Hodgepodge, no. 3

"Yeah...also drowning."

I’ve written and deleted hundreds of words this week. Everything has felt stale, and a bit frivolous. I called my mom on my way home from work yesterday. I told her I was having a hard time staying focused, that I felt distracted. She asked me what was distracting me. Everything. I was texting with one of my oldest friends earlier in the week and we agreed that we both felt like we were drowning — in work, in motherhood, in bad news.

The news out of Venezuela and Minneapolis and Portland this week has felt completely overwhelming, if not all that surprising. I’ve found that most of the time, I don’t feel like I have anything productive or insightful to add to the conversation. The words, “37 year old mother,” slam against me like an angry wave with every bit of news I consume.

I have always struggled with finding the balance of staying informed and protecting myself, and now my children, from the constant onslaught of news. I’ve written here before about noticing glimmers, about finding ways to be gentle with ourselves, and still I find times when I struggle to take care of myself. I was listening to the song, “Button Up Your Overcoat” by Peggy Lee and was reminded of the line, Take good care of yourself, you belong to me. I belong to little people now, so here’s what I’m going to focus on, in the hopes that I can find my footing and take good care of myself this week:

1. Taking a shower and going to sleep at 9pm

2. Calling my representatives

3. Bricking my phone from 8pm - 4pm to limit my access to doom scrolling

4. Going to the library to get a new book (and pay my overdue book fines)

5. Calling a friend

6. Meal-prepping on Sunday afternoon

7. Cutting my sugar intake¹

8. Dropping off donations to Goodwill to clear out some clutter

9. Taking a 20 minute walk every day

10. Spending time reading a book or writing instead of scrolling while pumping

I never want this space to feel like a dumping ground for my bad mood but if I’m being honest, I’m not at my best this week. Are any of us? I think it’s important to allow for that sometimes, and to be honest about what we’re carrying and what we need to move through it.

So here I am, with another Saturday hodgepodge post of some of the other things rolling around my head this week.

Declutter and cozy up

This is the name of the Note I started in my phone to kick off a project I’m working through in 2026. July will mark five years since we bought our house. We had a brutal time finding a house in 2021, and I can still remember walking through our house for the first time. At the time, it was empty (except for a piano that’s still in our living room), and it was (and still is) a complete fixer-upper. The original owners built the house in the 1960s and lived here until 2020. We live in a wooded area surrounded by farmland and we love to visit the horses that live a few doors down. We got lucky with some things (hardwood floors under all the wall-to-wall carpeting!) and unlucky with others (about 20 dead ash trees that needed to come down). Most of the money we’ve poured into home ownership hasn’t been fun — tree removal is devastatingly expensive, and septic repairs aren’t very sexy. Someday, we’ll get to the projects I dream about — painting the exterior, a new patio, bathroom and kitchen renovations — but for now I’m spending the year focused on little changes that can have a big impact, while also saving for some of the bigger things we need to do. I’m moving room by room, ruthlessly decluttering and making a list of what I want to add to make our spaces feel a bit more finished. First up, I’m working on the baby’s room.

We painted it a butter yellow back in the spring, before we knew if we were having a boy or a girl. My friend Karen is an artist, and she made us some beautiful ceramic pieces for his wall, but otherwise we’re starting from scratch. I’m looking at a Babar print and this tennis print from Etsy, and I’m on the hunt for a vintage tennis racquet to hang. This pillow feels fun for a little boy, and I’m searching for a good lamp — maybe this one, or a more fun option? Now that he’s rolling all around, I also need to add a rug that can withstand a very spitty baby, and I’m taking suggestions.

Inspiration photos c/o my Pinterest board

Photo credits: 1. uncredited 2. rosiepiper_ 3. Maria Faller 4. House & Garden UK

Drop everything and read

I’m a little embarrassed to share that I’ve found it nearly impossible to stick to a reading habit since having my son. I experienced something similar after my daughter was born — something about the exhaustion and brain fog makes it so hard for me to finish a book. I spend time reading the newspaper and Substack posts, but I do think I need to devote more time to books.² I’ve never set a goal for a number of books to be read each year, but I think I’m going to attempt a loose goal of one fiction and one non-fiction book each month. A few years ago, I really committed to being a library patron³ — I haven’t bought a new book in a really long time. It does sometimes mean that I have to wait a looooong time to read something new (don’t ask me how many weeks I’ll need to wait to get The Correspondent) but I think it’s a good exercise in patience for me. In the meantime, I am also going to shop my own bookshelves. First up for me, this (fiction) and this (non-fiction), both of which were already on our bookshelves. If you have any suggestions of books you’ve really loved, please send them my way!

Favorites, lately

All Her Fault (I’m on episode 4), this newsletter from Jessica Grose about women who want to leave the U.S., this sweatshirt that arrived just before Christmas (my red one is sold out now, but there’s some other great colors), bison wool socks for very cold days, a soup recipe I’ve been making for lunches lately, this interview series from Meighan Grady, a jazzy playlist for background music at work, a solid moisturizer and my new towel warmer for making evening showers cozier, the best weekly planner, my new go-to NA drink option, using my Brick to lock myself out of my phone.

1. A favorite outfit from last week 2. Taking a break from the news 3. Spotting good on a walk 4. Bedtime 5. Pink princess everything 6. A groutfit is always the answer

Let’s chat

It’s been the gloomiest rainy day here, and I’ve spent the afternoon decluttering our playroom/family room while the baby plays next to me in his new gated space⁴. It’s been a little cathartic. I’m wishing you a very restful weekend and a better week ahead. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, distraught, and just generally exhausted by the state of everything — know you’re not alone.

I’d love to know, how are you taking gentle care of yourself right now?

1. I am an emotional sugar consumer, and this week I’ve gone completely off the rails.

2. I have a kindle, but I really prefer a physical book. Anyone else?

3. I’m also pretty bad at returning books on time, so I am financially supporting the library via my fines, oops.

4. To keep him safe, and also to keep the constant litter of Barbie shoes away from him.