The Hodgepodge, no. 1
All the tangents rolling around my head this week
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Ask me how many half-finished drafts I have for posts right now (actually don’t, it’s embarrassing). The past two weeks have been a little more intense than I bargained for — traveling home amidst flight delays, a big sleep regression, unexpected visits to the pediatrician, etc. I have a few longer posts I’m working on, and I think (hope) they’ll make it to their final form some day. Next week is my last week of maternity leave and writing here has been such a balm during a really tender postpartum experience.
Sidenote: Jennifer Lawrence talking about how surprising it was to experience intense postpartum anxiety and depression with her second baby has been so relatable and I am so happy to see it discussed more. I feel really lucky to be on the other side of it, but I started writing here this summer when I was at my lowest point and I’'m proud of myself for being honest with my family and my doctors when it mattered most. Connecting with other women on Substack has been really meaningful and I’m so grateful for the encouragement I’ve received.
I’ve decided that when I go back to work, I’ll still aim to publish once a week, on Fridays. I’m thinking of these hodgepodge posts as the kind of things I’d tell you if we were catching up over bottomless cups of coffee (and maybe a big diner breakfast, if you’re reading on Saturday morning. My order, in case you’re wondering — a three-egg omelet with green peppers and American cheese, no toast, well-done home fries and a side of bacon. And someday I’d like to write about all the things I learned in my years as an extremely mediocre waitress at the diner in my town.)
Happy Friday to you, and here we go!
What I wore
To unpack our bags and hang twinkle lights in every room downstairs
To pick up groceries and feel sad about my massage being canceled last minute
To take a walk to celebrate the first really cold day and pick up coffee beans and a latte and to watch the lights go up on the tree in town
To take the baby to the pediatrician because he’s not feeling well, poor guy
To pelvic floor PT and baby’s music class (a repeat, but with boots!)
Notes from traveling
I wrote a few weeks back about my unhinged approach to packing all three of us in one carry-on and for the most part, it worked. I might have had an easier time navigating the airport without our suitcase, but I decided that the $80 I saved was for buying new clothes I needed for work (girl math, and see below). Everyone slept great and my dad made some of our favorite dinners, which is basically all I need to have a good time at this point.
The highs
My daughter was a champ in transit, as I knew she would be. I let her use my noise canceling headphones which meant she didn’t continuously whine, “I can’t hear!” on the plane, but also meant that she asked every question at a gentle yell
I packed really well. This was my first time really planning outfits before packing and I’ll never go back.
Mini vacuum-sealed bags for the kids clothes! We didn’t overpack, and I did laundry a few days in.
Both kids had the best time with my parents. They moved to North Carolina when I was finishing up college so we’ve had a long distance relationship (lol) for my entire adult life. They hint at moving closer some day and I’d be thrilled.
I got to scout out some new coffee spots and restaurants to visit with my husband when we’re back at Christmas.
My daughter ate a plate full of shrimp, which was thrilling for her and my dad, and only slightly terrifying for me and my EpiPen.
The lows
I’m exhausted. I’ve visited on my own with my daughter before and it’s always still a pretty relaxing trip because she’s so into grandparent time. I underestimated how different it would be with two kids (including a breastfeeding baby).
The airport days knocked me all the way out. We had a delay on the way down, and the baby screamed for about 40 minutes on the plane. On the way back, we were taxiing down the runway when the engine cut out and we were told there was a delay to land at Newark so we had to sit on the plane for an hour. Also have you ever changed a diaper in an airplane restroom with a five year old who loves to explore?
The sugar crash I have experienced since returning home, because my dad bought all the Halloween candy he could find. I don’t know if I’ve ever eaten so much candy and ice cream. I just kept earning little treats, you know? And now that I’m not watching Jeopardy every night with a dark chocolate Klondike bar in hand, I feel a little sad.
So yes, we’re heading back for Christmas, but driving, which I honestly prefer. I proved to myself that I can fly with two kids on my own but I’m not sure when I’ll want to repeat it.
Choosing holiday cards
We don’t do family photos every year, and I have skipped holiday cards all together when I don’t want to add to my own mental load (the year I started a new job, last year when I was deep in my first trimester despair). But we have basically no photos of the four of us, and I like having a card for a baby’s first Christmas so we’re booked for pictures this weekend. I always spend/waste way too much time choosing a card, though. I’ve got it narrowed down to these five options, and I’d love some help.
Kelsey Baker wrote a post about sharing the mental load of the holiday season and I really think it’s a helpful read. In our house, we tend to divide up gift responsibilities for our own families, and talk through what we need/want for our family. My husband does the lights outside, and most of the inside decorating and other holiday whatnot is for me. This is mostly because I enjoy it and I like spending my time doing it. Some stuff doesn’t matter to him and that’s fine — if it matters to me and I want to make time for it, I do.
What I bought to go back to work
I definitely got a little too shoppy in the last two weeks, and I’ve been blaming it on “needing things for work.” Here’s what I bought so far:
A few new things from Gap and Old Navy
A tangent: I’m trying to shop more sustainably and ethically (I always try to search Poshmark and TRR for things I really want, especially when they are out of my price range) but I also know that a) sometimes I have champagne tastes on a juice box budget and b) my body will likely continue to change for the next 6-12 months. I have my eye on some jeans I’d like to invest in, but I’m waiting until next year when things will likely level out. Still, I need to get dressed and even though my pants are currently zipping and buttoning, nothing fits quite the same as before. I also try not to let perfect be the enemy of good — for example, I bought one of my favorite dresses from Target nine years ago. I’ve worn it in every season and through all three trimesters of both pregnancies. I’ve worn it to work, on vacation, and even to a wedding once. Is it something that was likely made in the most ethical way? 100% no. But I have tried to be ethical in my care and wear of it, and I think there’s space for more of that.
So anyway, I bought some pajamas for both kids and a few things for me1:these black pants (these were a LOVES IT by lovesbydaniportner rec!), barrel jeans, another Gap cotton sweater, and these horseshoe jeans
Pumping supplies for being back at work. TBH, I have no idea what I’m doing since I worked from home the last time I had a breastfeeding baby. I’m going to give it my best shot, but thank goodness there’s formula if we need it.
An LL Bean bear suit2 via Poshmark (Note: this is not for going back to work, it’s just for being an adorable baby)
Some Sephora sale things - tinted moisturizer and concealer because nothing makes me grit my teeth more than someone telling me I look tired, Summer Fridays minis so I have one for every pocket and bag, Glossier Lash Slick in brown, and the only cleansing oil that hasn’t made my extremely sensitive skin angry
And now I’m putting my credit card away for the rest of the year.
If you’re feeling suggestible
I DMed Libby McCurrach last week because I loved her subscription welcome email so much — especially where she said she is “highly suggestible.” It made me laugh because I am a person who loves to suggest things. Years ago, when my former boss was pregnant and found out that I had been a full time nanny for 3 under 2, she let me walk her around BuyBuy Baby and create her entire registry. I’m honestly not big on a buying a lot of baby stuff because most of it is so fleeting and you can get by with less than you need or borrow things. But if I were going to suggest a few things that I have loved that have lasted through two babies, these would be the ones I’d choose:
Bumbleride stroller
For: Long walks on trails and very bumpy sidewalks
Tip: Get the infant insert and you won’t need the bassinet, since the seat lays completely flat
When I tell you I agonized over choosing a stroller back in 2020, I cannot stress how much time I spent on it. The biggest sell for us — my husband is 16 inches taller than me and this had the biggest range of handle height. I’m know Uppababy and Nuna get all the hype, but I’m a Bumbleride girl for life.
Woolino sleep sack
For: Babies who live in old houses that don’t have the best temperature control through the seasons
Tip: Wash with The Laundress wool and cashmere shampoo
This is another one that has lasted us through both kids, but I would repurchase at full price in a heartbeat. It’s sized for 2-24 months so you only need one (though having a backup in case of a mess would be great).
H&M wrapover bodysuits
For: Wiggly newborns, mostly, but we’re still rocking them at nearly-six-months
Tip: Prepare to hear complaints from your spouse about how many snaps these have. Worth it, IMO.
My daughter was a sort of unicorn who barely spit up, so I was able to save a lot of her baby clothes. These onesies held up better than anything else after five years in storage.
Weekend reading
If you’re in the market for something to read (or listen to) over your coffee this weekend,
The Calm Christmas podcast is back, and it’s the most soothing listen this time of year. I like to put it on while I’m picking up the house at night. (And Beth Kempton is on Substack, too!)
I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to watch Die, My Love anytime soon, but I have loved this Jennifer Lawrence press tour and especially this profile in the New Yorker
I started reading Notes to John, a Joan Didion book published by her estate after her death and I’m not sure that I’m going to finish it. It feels a bit invasive, and I’m not sure I buy the justification from those running her estate that she would have wanted these private notes published? This article (from last spring) dives into it.
Jenny Xie reposted about how to stop buying clothes all the time and it was a helpful read to get back on track with my low buy year.
Let’s chat!
What are the things you always suggest to others?
If you have any pumping at work advice 😬 please send it my way! What do I need to know/get?
What should I wear for my first week back at work (!!!)?
I hope your weekend is filled with lots of coffee, naps, and whatever else you need to recharge. Thanks for being here, it means a lot. If you enjoyed reading, I hope you’ll share this post with someone else. XO, T
One thing missing from my Gap, Inc. cart - a sweater for my husband because all of the brands (and also J.Crew!) seem to be phasing out tall sizes. Where am I supposed to shop for this man?
My number one mom hack is buying nearly all of my kids’ outerwear on Poshmark. I search for Patagonia and LL Bean jackets and Hunter rain boots, and most things I’ve bought have barely been used. It’s also great for special occasion shoes for kids - a lot of times they’ve barely been worn, or only once or twice.
I’m so happy I found you!! Your subscription confirmation email speaks to me!!!
Cute fits! I'm also a recent convert to pre-trip outfit planning.
And I appreciate the reminder to check Poshmark for kiddie outerwear and boots, thanks!